coincidence?
is it just damn coincidence that whenever i need you, you’re not around? i feel like i can’t reach out to you when i’m down ‘coz your behavior strikes me as “deadma”.. this line is overused but it really does seem like you don’t care..
someone told me, “he really should not be letting you not taken care of.. actually he shouldn’t be letting you be alone.. does he know how you hate being alone?”..
it kinda hurt maybe because it’s kinda true.. which had me thinkin’ if you know me at all.. that someone is right, i hate being alone but it doesn’t mean i’m requiring you to be with me all the time.. but you actually haven’t given me that “feeling”, the feeling that even when you’re not here i know you’re constantly thinking of me and that you want me to be okay, that you hate being away from me, that if i feel alone you want to hug me and tell me everything will be okay.. it sucks…i know..
here i go again, feeling unworthy —unimportant —unloved.. been trying to shake the feeling, tried keeping myself busy and occupied by reading books, browsing websites, downloading music, spending hours on tumblr, plurk and facebook but at the end of the day that feeling is still there.. i can fool everybody but myself..
i seriously need to get my own place.. i can’t keep staying at home anymore.. i love my family but being around them everyday isn’t actually my type of thing.. i’ve been independent since i was 17 and now being 25 and back at home is starting to get into my nerves.. i just can’t deal with family, work and relationship issues all at the same time.. i’m more effective as a family member when i only get to see them once a week, it makes me feel good, it makes me miss them all the more.. work sucks as always, i’ve been working on getting out of here.. relationship? hay… it suppose to make me feel better especially when i’m at work but it just doesn’t..
all these things are creeping up on me.. i just feel like i want to end it all in one snap.. there’s just no one you can talk to.. my friends are dealing with their own issues right now and i don’t wanna burden them more with mine —besides they’ll just think it’s another one of my tantrums but its just not..
whatever.. i need to figures things out on my own..
i know i can do this.. ..i just don’t know how..
